THE VOICE ABOVE THE WHISPER

I have a very distinct memory of one of the most detrimental identity crisis moments I have had in my life. I was sitting in a room with a few other women that I considered my friends when they began to whisper about a get-together they were having later that day. Now clearly I wasn’t invited, which I could’ve handled just fine, but hearing them secretly discuss it for fear I may find out was absolutely heartbreaking for me. I have always struggled in female friendship, and this exact moment was perfectly planned by the enemy to amplify all my self-doubt.

Not getting invited to the party sucks, but it’s bearable. There is something so violently painful, though, about listening to the whispers of rejection. I immediately spiraled into a new kind of suffering I hadn’t known before and began to agree with the lies of the enemy he had shouted at me long before these girls stewarded his attacks with their whispers.

That was years ago.

And here I am, all this time later, declaring that I will not be defined by the whispers I was never meant to hear or the lies I was deceived into believing and hoping my declaration will make those people suffering at the hand of lies see their own power as well.

Long before David was “King” David, he was “uninvited” David. While his father offered his seven older brothers to be anointed as king, he left David to tend their flocks. But God’s purpose for David’s life could not be thwarted by a father who didn’t see his son's value. God seeks out the boy who would become king because that boy’s identity wasn’t determined by what people thought he was; rather, it was determined by who God said he was. And David? David was a chosen king.

But when God says, “You. You are the one I will anoint to be king,” David is presented with a choice: will he listen to his father Jesse or will he listen to his Father God? In this moment, David must decide if he will live in response to the lies or the promise. He easily could’ve said to God, “No, you’ve got the wrong guy. I am just the youngest son, the tender of the flocks. Good luck finding your king,” and thus missed out on his call to be a part of the royal lineage of Jesus Christ. David could’ve chosen to listen to the whispers of exclusion instead of responding to the call of Christ.

But he didn’t, and that made all the difference.

This was bad news for the enemy. Satan realized he’s going to need a bigger attack and he gets right to work. So, David gets anointed to be king, but he isn’t king yet. This creates an awkward situation because there is a king—King Saul—currently enthroned who catches wind of David’s promised royalty and isn’t thrilled about the whole ordeal. The best solution he comes up with to maintain his own status as king is to have David killed.

Put yourself in David’s shoes: just a minute ago, this young man was just a youngest son, tending flocks under the command of his dad and suddenly, the king wants him dead. That’s a pretty sharp turn of events. And David has another decision to make. Does he live in response to the hatred of this current king, or does he live in confidence of what the King of kings promised him? And David, living now in the knowledge that he is a king, doesn’t sacrifice his royalty because Saul doesn’t approve of it. David knows he is a king and he settles into the certainty that God doesn’t answer to Saul, no matter how loudly Saul's voice resonates.

Not too long after I overheard those women’s whispers, the enemy decided to raise his voice. He sent a grander attack, carried out by someone who had more power over my heart and, instead of whispering to few, this person shouted to many. And in this humiliation, I handed over my identity—the one promised by God—and exchanged it for the lies.

And everything fell apart. When you mute the voice of God and begin only to hear the voice of the enemy, that tends to happen. But the God of the Universe—the one who controls clapping thunder and crashing waves and howling wind—cannot be silenced. He crashes through the lies and He bellows the truth. And now, when He calls me royal, I choose to believe Him. God pursued me in my doubt. He chased after me in my downfall and now, like David, I can worship and declare, “God, you have delivered me from the attacks of my people; you give me your shield of victory; you stoop down to make me great.” (2 Samuel 22:44 & 36, in that order)

Now, here I am, living into the promises of God and the identity and purpose He anointed me for back when I was just a humiliated girl, listening to the whispers telling me I was uninvited, unwelcome, and unworthy. It isn’t that the whispers have been silenced, it’s just that now, I’m not listening to them.

-LR